Vanity Fair broke what should have been the most exciting story of the year -- the identity of Deep Throat. But like Jon Stewart said on the 'Daily Show' -- "Deep Throat is (dramatic pause) a guy you've never heard of!" Ah, how typical.
Well, now I'm irritated. I always pictured Deep Throat to be a mixture of the Cigarette Smoking Man from the X-Files and James Bond. He was supposed to be the coolest of the cool, not an FBI bureaucrat angry with Nixon over the president's treatment of FBI assets. It's a letdown, like getting socks for Christmas.
At least I understand why Bob Woodward, Carl Bernstein, and Ben Bradlee kept this guy a secret for so many years. It wasn't because they wanted to protect his identity -- it was because they knew that the truth could never be as cool as the mystery. I mean, Woodward and Bernstein got to be played in a movie by Robert Redford and Dustin Hoffman. This W. Mark Felt guy might be best played by Paul Reubens. How disappointing.
What's amusing is that such a wonky character could bring King Evil down. But then again, Nixon's own legend is much more exciting than his reality -- so it's fitting that the main character in the saga, named after a porno, is really just a senile old man living out in California.
Here's to mysteries -- and may they never be revealed.